Closed Paths

Rabindranath Tagore

I thought that my voyage had come to its end
at the last limit of my power,---that the path before me was closed,
that provisions were exhausted
and the time come to take shelter in a silent obscurity.
But I find that thy will knows no end in me.
And when old words die out on the tongue,
new melodies break forth from the heart;
and where the old tracks are lost,
new country is revealed with its wonders.

After the first rains that followed a long hot summer the earth awakes resplendent in a garb of green and looks up into the sky in ecstasy. Trees, shrubs, flowers and grass, pummeled by the rain shake off their stupor and those who have ears to hear and a mind to understand hear glorious strains of thanks sweeping upwards.

I just emerged from a long spiritual dry spell but now being refreshed share in the joy of trees, shrubs, flowers and grass, and like theirs, my strains of thanx and adoration sweep upwards and not the least for his mandate – to look after these kids.

An apocryphal story has Eve asking Adam, “Adam do you love me?” Adam in puzzlement looking around replied, “Who else is there?”

But for a few friends who drop in at great intervals, my life, for better or for worse, revolves around kids: small kids, big kids and college going kids. “Who else is there?”

It would drive some people up the wall to have so very little adult input but as for me…

When we started the home on the present property in a bamboo mat hut, I could have stayed in the city in relative comfort and let the kids slug it out on their own till a better building was constructed. I chose the bamboo mat hut, the heat, the dirt, the rains and all the discomforts associated with it - I chose my kids!

When we completed the first small hall that had an asbestos roof and sand for flooring; I still had the choice to go back to the city and live in reasonable comfort but I chose the hall, with the asbestos sheet roof, the sand floor, the dirt, heat and the open field for toilet – I chose my kids.

Over the years, and I say this without a shadow of a boast, when there was a choice between my personal comfort and that of the kids – I chose my kids.

It works both ways.

“Bhaisahib, you don’t have to do anything. Just be here and we are happy.” – My kids tell me…

The other late afternoon the 8 college boys (12th graders) dropped in “because we have not seen you for a long time.” A mild exaggeration … Of course they also wanted money for shoes and college dress etc. and – they got it. To my amazement we could converse in English – broken though it was – due to the effort of a couple of German volunteers who will be with us till the end of November. The kids were enthusiastic about their studies and want to add to their college classes and to the already two and a half hours of tuition and an hour’s English class a late evening computer class. It was a great half an hour during which snacks disappeared and the predominant noise was- laughter…

Anup who liked studying like a mouse likes cats is in the process of changing; he is conscientious about his studies and homework. When I admonish him to study, he grumbles, “That’s the only thing I do.” He complained to our computer guru, “Whenever Bhaisahib meets me he asks if I did my homework.” Starting Monday evening he will attend 2 hours tuition classes – five days a week.

Though I love the kids – or because I love them I have no intentions of holding on to them whoever they are; I want them to grow and go making room for others in whom that process is repeated. Though I am not adverse to help them after they leave should that help be warranted and funds be available. One former student’s wife needed a caesarian – I paid. Another’s mother needed a 3 ½ kg tumor removed from her stomach – I paid. Two needed their sister to be married off – I paid. The list is endless. I am not boasting and I did not do these things “to be seen by men” I couldn’t give a dime. I want to help Anup’s mother out of the financial difficulty she is in like I help other mothers with theirs. Many would disagree with my approach to helping people; they like to be more scientific about it ... Who cares! It’s my life; it’s my approach; it’s my nightmares and it’s  my anxiety attacks I have to deal with when the procession of needs and personal debts parade before my mind at dawn and - though not gladly - I take these upon me because – I love my kids!

Rohit is another young man in the process of changing; according to Anup he is familiar with the world of crime and excusing him adds, “He was brought up in that milieu, his father was murdered by his own friends.” When Rohit comes to my room for this or that – even without getting it, he often says, “Bhaisahib, you are a good man.” Not everybody is as charitable… Over the years I have been called many things - good and bad and accused of just as many; I prefer the uncomplimentary as I believe they are closer to the truth. 

The following anecdote caught my fancy.

Oliver (Cromwell) certainly sat to him, and while sitting, said to him - "Mr. Lely, I desire you would use all your skill to paint my picture truly like me, and not flatter me at all; but remark all these roughness’s, pimples, warts and everything as you see me, otherwise I will never pay a farthing for it."

I smile thinking God is the most accurate painter as he paints us warts and all and then says, “Here is a man after my own heart.” “Here is a friend of God.” And – we qualify for these statements because – he qualifies us.
Bapu sent in his visa application and we pray that the powers that be will grant it. He is arranging with the staff as to who will do what in his absence and generally is making things ready for his Canada visit. His itinerary is filling up and I trust he will have a profitable time in Canada and you will be blessed by his visit. The car issue is still not solved but as this is God’s work, no doubt, it will be solved.

A point to ponder!

When once during the dry-dry part of the dry spell I came near the thought of hinting that God did not prove faithful to his promise to look after me, he rebuked me.” You get a fair amount of money that could let you live like a pasha inIndia. I have been faithful to my promise to look after you; that you spend your money on others the way you do without thought of tomorrow is your business.” Though he chides me, I cling to the belief that His miraculous provisions are just around the corner and –In this case Bernice Gerard again blessed me - from beyond the grave…

I am sure that many of you find yourself often in the same position because you give beyond what you can afford. Be encouraged by a verse a friend sent for my encouragement:

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.
Psalm 112:4

Frank